


Even When I'm Sober

by downtonisthedeathofme



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Anal Sex, Drunk Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Post S3, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:45:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4856747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtonisthedeathofme/pseuds/downtonisthedeathofme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Duke of Crowborough makes a visit to Downton Abbey, Jimmy is lumped with the job of being his valet which makes him turn to Thomas for an explanation of the Duke's behaviour. This chat, over rather a lot of alcohol progresses to a confession on Jimmy's part.</p>
<p>(Basically it's a slightly slow build to some porn)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even When I'm Sober

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing any work of fanfic or any work with explicit sexual content so I hope you enjoy, comments would of course be appreciated. 
> 
> Also I wrote the majority of this on my phone, so apologies for any grammatical/spelling mistakes.
> 
> This is set post S3 Christmas special.

“The Duke of Crowborough has invited himself to stay.” Robert said casually to Cora. Thomas, was glad he had just finished unloading a tray of tea things, he was sure that if the tray had been in his hand he would have dropped it. 

“Didn’t he leave us on rather bad terms?” Cora replied, she did not know the details as Robert had never told her, but she distinctly remembered the young man leaving for the earliest train he could get. 

“Rather,” Robert replied levelly “but I received a letter from him, with sincerest apologies. He wanted to pay us a visit, and it’s clear that he doesn’t wish to impose himself on Mary this time as he wrote he wishes to bring his wife.” Thomas, was again glad to have empty hands, but he did splutter with disbelief, managing quickly to hide it as a cough. 

“Whose that you’re talking about papa?” Lady Mary asked, pausing her conversation with Rose.

“The Duke of Crowborough,” Cora answered in place of her husband “he has invited himself to stay.”

“The last thing Mary needs is another suitor.” Edith smirked.

“That self – important fool, I certainly wouldn’t want his attentions.”

“Well as a matter of fact, he is bringing his wife along.” Robert said calmly. “Tom, Rose, neither you weren’t here when he last visited.”

“No, but Lady Mary seems like she’ll tell me everything there is to know about him.” Tom replied.

“It’s sound jolly exciting to have a Duke coming to visit.” Rose chimed.

“Wait until you meet him.” Mary replied under her breath.

“They are arriving tomorrow afternoon,” Robert said, slightly failing to hide his annoyance at the fact “Mr. Barrow,” he turned to Thomas who was busy concentrating on maintaining his composure “I was going to find Carson to tell him myself but you could just as easily do so.”

“Yes, certainly, my Lord.” Thomas replied. In any other situation he would be mentally cursing his employer’s inability to do anything for himself but he had bigger things to worry about. As long as the Duke brought a valet with him Thomas would easily be able to stay out of his way, and even if he didn’t the valeting duties would more likely to be passed on to Jimmy or Alfred than to the Under Butler. 

......

Thomas informed Mr. Carson of the Duke imminent arrival as soon as he could, telling Mr. Carson that his Lordship had only received the letter that morning so had had no chance to tell him personally. 

Mr. Carson informed Mrs. Patmore immediately. He then took the opportunity of the pause after the servants evening meal when everyone was still seated to inform everyone, which was really quite unneeded as the news had travelled fast through the help of Thomas and Mrs Patmore. 

“As I have not been informed whether the Duke intends to bring a valet, Mr Barrow you shall look after him if needed...” Thomas barely heard the next words which were something about Anna and the Duchess, so deep was his distress at the situation.

“Mr Carson, I’m under butler, surely you should get Alfred of Jimmy to do the job.” Thomas said levelly, thankful that he was so skilled at hiding his true emotions. 

“Mr. Barrow, you attended to the Duke the last time he visited, so I thought it would be fitting but if you really feel the job is now beneath your station. James can take the post. Now that is all I have to speak to you about this evening.” With that Mr. Carson bustled of to his room.

“Thanks a lot Mr. Barrow, you know how much work I already have.” Jimmy said through gritted teeth across the table.

“He might bring a man of his own,” Thomas replied, then in an undertone “if it was up to me he wouldn’t be staying anywhere near Downton.”

“Why’s that then?” Jimmy replied, leaning forwards. 

“I’ll tell you later.” Thomas said just as the dinner gong rang. 

......

Unfortunately after all the evenings duties were completed Jimmy became wrapped up in a card tournament with Alfred and Mr Bates so Thomas had no chance to talk with him about the Duke. 

Thomas sat languidly in the servants hall attempting to read a newspaper, but unable to take in any words. He was in mental turmoil, the Duke was not the only man that had broken his heart but he was the only man to have done it do deliberately, so purposefully, so coldly. It had taken Thomas a long time to get over it, he grimaced to remember that encounter with a Turkish diplomat only a few weeks later when he was desperate for affection. 

“Are you alright Mr. Barrow, you’ve been awfully quiet this evening?” Anna kindly inquired interrupting Thomas whirling thoughts. 

“Yes, yes, I’ve just got a headache. That’s all.”

“Maybe you should excuse your self for an early night, it doesn’t seem like they’re,” she looked pointedly at her husband, Jimmy and Alfred “going to quiet down any time soon.” 

“No, I think I will.” He smiled, Anna always had a way of discerning people’s emotions. He folded up the newspaper and discretely excused himself. 

......

Sleep did not come quickly, it was well past 11pm when Thomas heard Alfred clattering up the hallway outside his door, he could tell it was Alfred not Jimmy because of the heaviness of the footstep. It was another half hour of silently contemplating the whole predicament before he heard Jimmy’s gate out in the hallway trailing away to his room. Thomas regretted not getting a chance to talk to him about the Duke, but it was too late now. Thomas just hoped that the Dukes marriage had made him move on from his past, or failing that, that he would be by some chance immune to the charms of the first footman and not attempt to abuse his position of power. Thomas didn’t know whether he regretted passing the buck on to Jimmy or not.

........

Thomas didn’t remember getting to sleep before he was woken by the aggressive ringing of his alarm clock. At breakfast Carson delivered a message that the Duchess’s sister had fallen ill, meaning she would not be in attendance as she wished to care for her sibling at such a time.

“Does that mean the visit has been cancelled then Mr. Carson?” Thomas asked hopefully.

“No, the Duke still intends to make the visit, but on his own.” This made Thomas go cold, the Duke on his own would be worse, it would be just like last time. 

“Do you know if my extra work has been confirmed Mr. Carson?” Jimmy asked bitterly.

“Yes, James, his lordship informed me that the Duke currently travels without a valet.” 

“And he calls himself a Duke.” Jimmy muttered only loud enough for Thomas, who was sat next to him, to hear.

“Jimmy, I should really talk to you about...” Thomas was cut off by the bell from Lord Grantham room, followed in quick succession by her Ladyship. 

“Sorry, Mr Barrow, I guess later, we’ve got to get going.” Jimmy smiled.

“Of course.” Thomas replied, cut off again by the sound of Lady Mary’s bell.

“We shall of course be giving the Duke a full welcome party this afternoon,” Mr Carson boomed over the sound of chairs scraping out from under the table.

......

Thomas didn’t see Jimmy until lunch, never mind get a chance to warn him of the Duke. Even at lunch there was no possibility to grab him alone. He felt like he was failing a friend, his best friend in fact.

The moment to line up in front of the house for the arrival of the Duke came all too soon for Thomas. It seemed he was the distinct minority though, the house maids had been excitedly discussing the arrival since it was announced. Even Mrs. Patmore seemed to be I’m a delightful mood, and Daisy, although she would not get to see the Duke had barely paused for breath she was so busy chattering about it.

Between Mr Carson and Jimmy it was taking all of Thomas’ willpower just to stand up straight and fight the feeling of nausea rising up from his stomach. The black car rounded the corner, and the Duke of Crowborough sprang jovially from the vehicle. He looked a little older, with grey hair at his temples. “Lord Grantham!” He said, extending his arm. “I apologise sincerely for Maria’s absence, she was so looking forward to it. But of course there is no greater duty than sisterly love.” The falseness of the Dukes tone was obvious to Thomas.

“Of course, I understand” Lord Grantham replied. “I should introduce Tom Branson, husband of my late daughter.”

“Yes,” the Duke went to shake Tom’s hand “I heard of your loss, a terrible thing.”

“Yes...” Tom replied rather awkwardly “but of I have Sybbie.”

“Your daughter of course.”

“You met my daughters when you were last here.” Lord Grantham chimed.

“Lady Mary, Lady Edith,” the Duke bowed to each in turn, neither woman replied with much enthusiasm. 

“And this is Lady Rose MacClare, who is staying at Downton for a while.”

“Jolly good to meet you, Mary has had so much to say about you.” Rose said enthusiastically, kissing the Duke on both cheeks.

“Good things I hope?”

Rose didn’t get a chance to reply as Lord Grantham said “Our first footman James will be attending to you during your visit.” The Duke turned to look at Jimmy, who bowed reluctantly. Thomas noticed the Dukes eyes linger rather too long on Jimmy before his eyes flicked to him, only for a moment. Thomas couldn’t determine the Dukes emotions in that singular glance.

The Duke followed the family inside the house, Jimmy and Alfred went to retrieve the luggage. 

......

“Fancy a smoke Mr. Barrow?” Jimmy asked rather pointedly, entering the servants hall after finishing attending to the Duke for the evening. Thomas noted he looked rather flustered, and slightly out of breath. “Outside, Mr Barrow.” Jimmy bounced from one foot to the other, unable to keep still “now!”

Never refusing a opportunity to be alone with Jimmy, whatever the circumstances, Thomas followed him outside, ignoring a odd glance from Anna. 

“You could of bloody warned me, Mr Barrow!” Jimmy screeched as soon as the door was shut behind them. “He was even more blatant than you for Christ’s sake! Give us a fag.” Thomas handed one over, and passed Jimmy his lighter. “I was only making idle chatter, you know like you’re meant to, about how I wasn’t there when he visited last. Then he was going on about you being his valet then some rubbish about a sea monster and Percius.” He took a long drag on his cigarette, coughing afterwards, “next thing I know, well he’s got his hands all over me, I only just managed to get out of there by telling him I had work to do.” 

“I was going to tell you, I never found the time.” Thomas sighed regretfully, it seems the Duke had passed him over.

“Well, in the morning, I’m going to be as ill as his sister in law, who I barely believe exists and you can bloody well deal with him instead. At least you know how to handle him.” With that Jimmy stubbed him cigarette out on the wall behind him and quickly went back inside, slamming the door as he went. 

Thomas was left feeling utterly depressed, now he felt like he'd damaged his friendship with Jimmy and he was going to have to face the Duke after all. He stayed out in the yard for another cigarette, contemplating the prospect of another sleepless night of worry.

......

It was 11pm and Thomas was still wide awake, attempting to put something together in his head to say to the Duke in the morning. The task was futile, whenever he thought he'd come up with something good it immediately trickled out of his mind again, it was like trying to hold on to a wet bar of soap. The harder he forced himself to concentrate the faster the ideas sprung out of his mind. It was hopeless, he was going to have to face this man that broke his heart; he was going to have to face him utterly defenceless. 

Outside he heard Jimmy’s unmistakable gate trail away to towards his room, he heard the door shut. Then just a few moments later, open again, this sound was followed by quietly placed footsteps out in the corridor. Then a tentative knock on his door, followed by a more confident one moments later.

Thomas got up, made his way across the small room and opened the door. There was Jimmy, still in full livery holding a bottle of what looked like whisky. “Mr. Barrow, I’m sorry about earlier,” Jimmy whispered “I thought if I was going to be sick in the morning I might as well have some symptoms, and I wanted to make it up to you a bit. I realise I was quite rude.” He smiled, something that Thomas was never able to resist. 

“Come in then.” Thomas said quietly, feeling rather exposed in his pyjamas. 

Jimmy came in shutting the door quietly behind him. “You got glasses?” he asked, taking a seat on the hard wooden desk chair that he'd say on the last time he was in this room. 

Thomas fumbled around in the bottom drawer of his beside stand, “wine glasses the best I’ve got.”

 

“That fine, Thomas.” He liked it when Jimmy used his first name, he liked it a lot. Jimmy poured generous measures in to the two glasses and passed one back to Thomas who had pulled up the other chair that has been in the corner of the room. Jimmy took a long drink, then refilled his glass; Thomas knew Jimmy couldn't handle his drink but he wasn't going to stop him. “So, I feel like you should explain your reluctance at the arrival of the Duke, Thomas.”

Thomas took a gulp from his glass drinking the whole lot in one go, it definitely wasn’t whisky, he guessed it was whatever liquor Jimmy could get cheap. It burned his throat but he refilled his glass, for some reason he'd decided to match Jimmy glass for glass. “Well, as you made it clear that you determined the Duke of Crowborough is a man of...” Thomas was unsure how to phase it.

“Like you.” Jimmy suggested.

“He’s nothing like me,” Thomas said indignantly, Jimmy laughed “well, in that way he is, but he's a complete... he’s a complete bastard to tell the truth.”

“Did something happen between you then?” Jimmy gulped down his second glass, Thomas followed “I mean, he rather insinuated as much.” Jimmy refilled both their glasses, then stood up to take off his jacket. Thomas was unable not to watch his every movement. “So? Are you going to tell me Mr. Barrow?” Jimmy smirked.

“It was before the war, it was...” Thomas was going to say it was when I was your age but thought it best not to, “just a bit of fun in a London season. Then the next year he came to Downton with plans of marrying Lady Mary, but when it turned out she wasn't going to inherit, he got out as quick as possible.” Thomas noticed Jimmy had downed another half glass while he was talking so quickly followed suit. 

Jimmy undid his bow tie and the top button of his stiff shirt, Thomas was unable not to stare at his newly exposed neck. He was pretty sure the younger man was already was already getting tipsy on the over strong liquor, considering the flush that was creeping its way across his tanned face. “Right.” Jimmy said slowly, reaching across for the bottle again, which was almost half empty already. “Thomas, how many men have you y’know... got with?” 

Jimmy was definitely half-drunk already, he'd never breached the subject with Thomas before. But Thomas saw no harm in replying, Jimmy was in his room and being friendly he didn’t want to give him reason to leave. “Five” he said off handedly, “it depends on your definition.”

“See you’re all moping about and complaining like you’ve got the worse thing in the world, but really it’s us that should be complaining. We’re lucky to get a kiss out of a girl without having to marry her first, and your there getting your end away with five different people!” Jimmy took a swig straight from the bottle, then offered it to Thomas. The mouth of the bottle of slick with saliva, Thomas took a swig savouring the thought of where it had just been much more than the taste of the liquor itself. 

“Well, it depends how you define it, like I said.”

“What do you do anyway?” Jimmy probed “Of course I wouldn’t tell you this if I wasn’t drinking, but this is what mates do when they’re drinking. I’ve never really had much more than a good kiss and a grope with a girl. So you can tell me what I could be getting?”

Thomas swallowed, then determined Jimmy would barely remember this conversation proceeded “Well there’s the stuff you can do with your hands of course.”

“Like when you do it to yourself?” Jimmy asked, smiling, slipping of his waistcoat.

“Yeah like when you do it to yourself, then there’s your mouth.” 

“Surely kissing comes before hands?”

“No I didn’t mean kissing,” he could feel himself growing warm with desire “you use your mouth...”

“To be honest, Thomas, you’re really going to have to be a bit clearer.” Jimmy said casually.

“Well, you can use your mouth on their cock.” Thomas said quickly, but he was surprisingly unembarrassed.

Jimmy paused to take another swig from the bottle and kick off his shoes. “Okay right and that’s... is that good?”

“Of course it is.” Thomas swallowed, goose bumps pricked on his bare arms, despite the fact he wasn’t cold. 

“So, what else?” Thomas noticed Jimmy discretely readjusting himself in the chair, crossing one leg over the other. 

“I really shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“You’ve started now, you might as well tell me the whole lot of it.” Jimmy smiled, fully aware of the effect his smiles had on his friend. 

“You know how it works with a girl?” 

“Course.” Jimmy replied quickly.

“Well,” he wasn't sure whether he felt hot out of embarrassment, desire, or the cheap liquor, but there was no backing out of this conversation now it’d started, “with a bloke, you have to put it somewhere else...”

Jimmy took a moment to register this information, shifting slightly in his chair, he said after a pause “doesn’t that... doesn’t that hurt?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do mean?” Jimmy looked at him, straight in the eye. 

“I’ve only ever done it to someone else.”

Jimmy laughed out loud “so the Duke of bloody Crowborough got down on his hands and knees for a bloody footman! I’d like to see that.” Thomas wasn’t sure whether Jimmy was joking or not, but just thinking about it was make a pleasurable shiver run up his spine. “Do you want anymore of this?” Jimmy asked, waving the bottle in Thomas’ direction. Their was barely an inch left now. 

“No, you finish it off.” Thomas said. He watched as Jimmy sloshed the final bit of drink into his mouth, a lot of it ended up on his chin and shirt front. He managed to drag his eyes away from Jimmy liquor – moistened lips to take a glance at his alarm clock. It was almost midnight. “Jimmy, you should go get some sleep.” Thomas said half – heartedly.

“Well, give us a minute before I stand up.” Jimmy smirked, before saying casually “these trousers are hardly the most forgiving.” Thomas swallowed. “Tell me about all your other conquests then, Mr. Barrow.” 

Thomas knew Jimmy had had more to drink than him and was much worse at holding his liquor, he saw no harm in indulging the younger man in a few little stories from his youth. His talk so far was obviously having an effect on Jimmy, the flush of his cheeks was not just caused by the liquor. All anxieties about facing the Duke of Crowborough were now washed from his mind; he had Jimmy Kent, drunk, in his room, hanging on his every word. He didn’t care where the night went from here, the memory of this conversation was going to be good enough to keep him in high spirits for weeks. “Well, it was all mainly back in my youth.”

“What like you’re ‘old’ now?” Jimmy smiled.

“I’m older than you are.”

“Like that bothers you.” Thomas wasn’t sure whether Jimmy was flirting or teasing; his whole body seemed to react positively anyway. “You’re what 35?” I’m 37 Thomas said in his head, he was flattered so he didn’t bother to correct the younger man. “Anyway, go on. When you were my age what were you getting up to?”

“It wasn’t like I ever got any meaningful relationships, just one night stands.”

“That’s better than nowt surely?” Jimmy smirked. 

“I was pretty drunk most of the time, I was young...”

“So, what you’re saying is you’ve not had anyone since the Duke?” Thomas knew Jimmy was only taking such an interest in him because he was drunk, despite them being friends they never talked about their personal lives – nothing this personal anyway. “Cos, you know you can’t count me.” 

Thomas turned awkwardly to look at the floor. “No, I know. I...” He felt like a bucket of cold water at been thrown over him, sobering him up. I knew he should never have let Jimmy convince him to talk about all this, it was always going to bring back memories of that night. 

“Not yet, anyway.” Jimmy said. Thomas looked at Jimmy, who was confidently looking back. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about, Thomas. It took me ages to work it all out, then it took me even longer to admit to myself what I'd worked out was true.” He paused, took a deep breath then stood up rather unsteadily. He firmly grasped his chair in both hands them moved to right up next to Thomas. Jimmy say back down with a clunk. They were sat so close together that their thighs touched. “What I’m trying to say is, the Duke made me jealous, him talking about you. Just thinking that you could of possibly loved someone before me, loved someone one more than me.”

“Jimmy, you know I don’t love anyone more than you.” Thomas said boldly but quietly. 

“I was an idiot Thomas, all that time,” Jimmy put his hand on Thomas thigh, “I was just lying to myself as well as to you. I don't want to lie anymore.”

Thomas put his gloved hand on top of Jimmy’s, determined that he was going to push it away. But he didn't. “Jimmy you’re drunk. You wouldn’t be saying this if you weren't.”

“But I have, Thomas, I’ve said these things a hundred times in my head, it's only now that I've finally been able to say them to you.” He leaned close to Thomas, then carefully placed his free hand on the older man’s cheek. “I. Want. You.” He said, all indication of intoxication gone from his voice.

“Jimmy, are you sure?” Thomas had a vivid flashback to sitting in this room saying to Mr. Bates that he knew he was beaten; one word about this to anyone from Jimmy and that could all happen again.

“Thomas, I’m sure.” Jimmy smiled, then leaned close, their faces centimetres apart.

“Jimmy...”

“I’m sure.” He tentatively touched his lips to Thomas’s. Thomas didn’t respond at first, he was frozen with worry. But slowly as Jimmy started to kiss him more passionately, more forcefully he kissed him back. Tasting the cheap liquor on Jimmy soft lips, he started to take control of the kiss. Jimmy didn’t hesitate, he let Thomas take control, allowed him to explore his mouth with his tongue. Jimmy’s hand was still on Thomas’s thigh, grasping hard, almost painfully but Thomas didn’t mind. 

Thomas pulled away for breath, his whole body was hot was desire and longing. He barely believed this wasn’t just a dream, but it all felt too real for that. “Jimmy, are you sure?”

“Stop asking me, Mr. Barrow.” He smirked, and gently ran his hand through Thomas’s dark, soft hair. “I’ll tell you if I want you to stop, but right now I want you to keep going.” Thomas looked into his eyes, the pupils blown wide in the half darkness. “I still don't think you can add me to your list of conquests just yet.”

Jimmy stood up rather steadily, not swaying at all. He took Thomas’s hands in his and pulled him to his feet. Thomas was surprised to find how drunk it made him feel, just standing up. He could feel his erection pushing uncomfortably against the fabric of his underwear. 

Jimmy let his hand go, then wrapped his arms around Thomas’s back, pulling his body flush against his. The fabric of Jimmy’s stiff work shirt was rough against Thomas’s bare arms as he tentatively wrapped his arms around Jimmy’s back. “You can be a bit more forceful you know Thomas, I promise I'm not going to scream blue murder.” 

Thomas smiled, “I didn't want to scare you away.”

“Didn’t I say I’d tell you if I want you to stop.” Jimmy kissed Thomas’s neck, just below his ear, “I was rather hoping you’d take control,” he whispered, “you're meant to know what you're doing.”

“It’s hardly like you to want anyone to tell you how to do anything.” Thomas smiled.

“That’s because I know how to do everything else.” He smirked, allowing Thomas to guide him to sit down on the small bed. Thomas sat beside him and, knowing it would only annoy Jimmy if he asked him if it was alright, he kissed him slowly, and ran his uninjured hand through Jimmy’s blonde hair, still slightly slick with pomade. The both broke away for breath at the same time. 

Jimmy took Thomas’s partially – gloved hand in his own. “You know I’ve never seen it.”

“You wouldn’t want to, it’s...” Thomas paused, sighed “horrible, really.”

“I want to see every part of you Thomas.” Carefully he undid one button of the glove, he looked into Thomas’s eyes to ensure he wasn't going to tell him to stop, then undid the other two buttons. He slipped the glove off, it still held the shape of a hand quite well. Thomas’s hand was pale, a circle of raw pink scar tissue on the back. The last two fingers were stiff and slightly swollen. Thomas flinched slightly as Jimmy ran his fingers lightly over the scar, then turned the hand over. The scar was the same size on the other side; it looked like a perfectly balanced marble in the palm of his hand. “You’ve never told me how you did it.”

“I've never told anyone how I did it,” not even Mrs O’Brien, back when she was still a friend, he thought to himself.

“You can trust me.”

“In the war, I held my lighter up out of the trench and waited to get hit.” Thomas looked away at the opposite wall “I'm a coward, I know.”

“That’s so brave.” Thomas turned back to look at Jimmy, his face still flushed with drink and desire. “You’re so brave, Thomas.”

“I...” But his protestations were cut short as Jimmy kissed him, more confidently than he had before. The kiss became loose and passionate, as Jimmy undid the buttons of Thomas’s night shirt. Thomas mirrored the action undoing the buttons of Jimmy’s stiff livery shirt. They broke away for a moment, Jimmy slipped off his shirt and allowed Thomas to slip his under shirt up over his head. Jimmy pushed Thomas’s nightshirt off his shoulders, taking in the feel of the man’s rough skin under his finger tips. 

Jimmy stood up rather suddenly. Thomas was nervous for a moment that he’d decided it was all a bad idea, but the fear disappeared as quickly as it had appeared as he watched Jimmy take off his socks and unbutton his black trousers. He stepped out of trousers and stood for a moment in only his underwear. Thomas allowed the sight of Jimmy, to burn in his memory before standing up himself and slipping off his pyjama bottoms. He stood still for a moment, unsure what to do next.

“You know this isn’t the Royal Gallery?” Jimmy smiled. “You are allowed to touch the art works.” Jimmy’s jokey permission was all Thomas needed. He pulled Jimmy close to his, trailing his fingers up and down his back. Jimmy followed Thomas lead and more tentatively placed his hands on the man’s back.

“What do you want me to do?” Thomas whispered. 

“Bloody hell, I’ll let you do anything you want.” Jimmy pressed one leg forwards between Thomas’s, pressing his erection in to the taller man’s hip bone. He moved his hands on to either side of Thomas’s face, pulling him in for a long and passionate kiss. 

Thomas could feel his own erection pressed, almost uncomfortably, into the top of Jimmy’s thigh. He ran his hands down Jimmy’s back. He reached the waistband of his underwear and slipped his thumbs in behind the fabric. Jimmy only kissed him harder in reply. Thomas pushed down on the fabric, allowing his thumbs to trail over Jimmy ass as he pushed down his pants. Jimmy pulled out if the kiss, breathing heavily, his lips plump and wet, his eyes wide and dark. “I want you to fuck me.” He said pressing his cock into Thomas’s hip.

Jimmy stepped out of his underwear and Thomas guided him back on to the bed; he took off his own underwear and with an odd sensation of de ja vu leant down over Jimmy on the bed, supporting his weight with his hands either side of Jimmy’s head. Thomas pushed Jimmy’s legs up, and knelt onto the bed. He leant forwards, kissing Jimmy hard, he felt Jimmy hard cock press into his stomach. Jimmy groaned into Thomas mouth as Thomas, growing in confidence, took Jimmy’s cock in his uninjured hand. Slowly stroking, using the beads of pre-cum that were leaking for the tip as lubricant. 

“You sure you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes.” Jimmy moaned, “please.” He added, looking straight into Thomas’s eyes.

“You’ve never been so polite.” Thomas smirked, pulling away from Jimmy who admitted a moan of frustration. “I’ve just got to find something to...” Thomas trailed off, got of the bed and searched through his the draw of his bedside table. He found a glass jar of petroleum jelly and unscrewed the lid. “You’ll probably have to put you fingers in your mouth or something. I don’t want you waking up the whole house.” Thomas smirked. 

“Just do me already!” Jimmy groaned, his voice deeper than usual, clouded by desire and drink. 

“Trust me, I can’t just go straight to it.” Thomas slicked two fingers on his uninjured hand with jelly. “Bring you legs up.” He said with authority, before kissing Jimmy hard. Jimmy kissed him back and pressed his hips up into Thomas’s abdomen. “I can’t promise it won’t hurt to start with.”

“Just do it.” Jimmy said through gritted teeth. His hands were clenched up in the bed sheets. Thomas pressed one slicked finger over Jimmy tight entrance. Jimmy retracted one hand from the sheets and used it to push Thomas’s head down so he could kiss him more easily. Slowly, Thomas felt Jimmy relax enough for him to penetrate him with one finger, working it carefully up to the second knuckle before daring to press his second finger in to his lover. 

Jimmy moaned and thrust his hips rhythmically enjoying the friction of Thomas’s rough skin against his cock. The pain that was there initially had started to fade. “Please... Thomas... Please...” He moaned.

Thomas retracted his fingers and reached again into the jar; he leisurely applied a good amount of jelly onto his cock, he enjoyed how Jimmy watched him, entranced. “You okay?” Thomas asked. Jimmy only nodded his head, twisting both his hands back into the sheets. 

Thomas pressed the swollen head of his cock against Jimmy’s tight entrance. He used his injured hand to steady himself against the bed, with his other hand he gently stroked Jimmy’s cock which made Jimmy relax just enough for Thomas to press the head of his cock into Jimmy. It felt so good to have Jimmy, in all his naked, golden glory squirming with pleasure beneath him. “I’m going to go deeper, just...”

“I’ll tell you if I want you to stop.” Jimmy said quietly, nodding his head. Thomas pushed his hips forwards, he wanted to close his eyes to concentrate but at the same time he barely wanted to blink. He wanted to watch every expression of pleasure on Jimmy’s face. Jimmy moaned, and untwisted one hand from the bed sheets. As Thomas thrust forwards, very slowly, Jimmy put his free hand to his mouth. Biting down on his fingers, trying to trap in moans of pain and which were quickly turning into moans of pleasure. 

Thomas pulled back fractionally then thrust forwards again, it had never felt this good with anyone before. He slowly built up to a very gentle rhythm, thrusting about three quarters of his length into Jimmy before pulling out by an inch then thrusting in again. “Harder.” Jimmy said, muffled by his fingers. 

Thomas thrust deep into Jimmy, right to the base of his cock, Jimmy groaned audible even through his fingers as Thomas hit just the right spot. Thomas worked up a rhythm, stroking Jimmy’s straining cock at the same speed. Slowly working up to a fast and harder pace; he thrust in, right to the hilt, before almost pulling out completely and thrusting forwards again. He could feel an unmistakable heat building up at the base of his cock and spreading through his body. “Jimmy I’m going to...”

At the same time, Jimmy said, removing the fingers from his mouth “I’m going to come.” He pushed Thomas head down, Thomas felt Jimmy’s slick fingers in the back of his neck. They kissed hard.

Thomas pushed right into Jimmy, trapping in a moan of pure pleasure as best as his could as he came deep inside Jimmy. Jimmy, almost simultaneously, moaned as he came, expending ribbons of glistening cum over Thomas’s chest and abs. 

Thomas pulled out, and kissed Jimmy languidly. Before they both rolled onto one side, so they lay face to face on the small bed, naked and uncovered. “Are you alright, Jimmy?” Jimmy didn’t reply, he only kissed Thomas slowly and stoked the man’s face with his hand. In the half darkness he could see the faint ghost of a scar on Thomas’s cheekbone, it was from when he took that beating for him, he knew that. In Jimmy’s mind Thomas was so brave, and perfect, and beautiful. “I love you.” He whispered. 

Thomas has dreamt for so long of hearing those words. “I love you.” He replied simply. 

He reached down to the floor where his pyjama bottoms lay discarded and picked them up, he used them to wipe down his torso and Jimmy’s then threw them back on the floor. “Do you want to stay?” Thomas whispered. Jimmy smiled and nodded. 

Thomas grabbed the coverlet which had been pushed off the bed somehow from the floor and use it to cover them both. Then he reset his alarm clock to wake them up at 5:30, which would allow Jimmy plenty of time to get back to his own room. 

Then allowing Jimmy’s head to rest against his naked chest, he closed his eyes. “Thomas?”

“Yeah.”  
“You know, I think I am going to face the Duke in the morning. Anything to avoid you being made unhappy.”

“Thank you, Jimmy.”

“Thank you, Mr Barrow.” Jimmy replied with a smile in his voice. 

......

“Fuck!” Jimmy shouted “Are alarm clocks usually that loud?!” Thomas had been woken by Jimmy shouts, he reached out and switched off the alarm smiling to himself, Jimmy Kent was still here. It hadn’t been a dream. Thomas felt Jimmy sit up I’m the bed. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have drunk that much.” He stood up, Thomas opened his eyes seeing Jimmy stood naked in the morning light, his blonde hair was messy and stuck up in all directions. 

Jimmy slowly made his way around the bed picking up his clothes. “You didn’t say it would hurt afterwards.” Jimmy sniggered, tentatively putting on his underwear. 

He leaned across the bed reminding Thomas of his own actions 18 months before; his creased livery was bundled up under his arm. He kissed Thomas softly, pulling away with a smile. “See, I’m sober now, and I can still say I love you.”

“I love you too Jimmy.” Thomas replied, “now get back to your room before Carson catches you.”

Jimmy laughed, “I’ll see you later.” He tentatively walked across the room, picking up his empty bottle on the way out. 

Thomas didn’t fall asleep again, glad that he hadn’t drunk as much as he could have done. He could still remember every detail of the night before. He stayed, replaying the memory in his head. Lingering for longer on the moment where Jimmy told him that he loved him rather than how he had fucked him.

......

Jimmy was not in the servants hall when Thomas went down, it seemed everyone else was there. Just about to start on their breakfast. “You’re late Mr. Barrow.” Carson boomed, “not as late as James of course, but late nevertheless.” 

“We’ve not started eating yet, Mr. Carson.” Said Mrs Hughes warmly “So Mr. Barrow isn’t late.”

“Shall I just go and check if James is coming down Mr. Carson?” Thomas said distractedly.

Mr. Carson’s eyes narrowed with worry “Yes, get about it quickly,” he said hurriedly, “he’s got the Duke to attend to this morning after all.”

Thomas rushed up the stairs and knocked on the door of the room that Jimmy and Alfred shared. “Jimmy?” He hissed through the wood, before turning the doorknob. Jimmy was there, fast asleep under the covers. His livery from the day before bundled up next to his bed. Thomas saw the empty bottle had been half – pushed under the bed. 

Jimmy looked quite content in his hungover sleep, Thomas didn’t want to wake him. After all, anything the Duke of Crowborough said to him would simply bounce off. He was invincible because Jimmy Kent told him he loved him. 

He took a piece of scrap paper out of the waste basket and scribbled a note on it “You need rest. I’ll attend to the Duke.” He debated putting a “x” for a kiss on the end but decided it was best not to as Alfred might see the note if he came into the room again that morning. He left the note propped up against Jimmy alarm clock then left the room, shutting the door as quietly as he could.

......

“James isn’t well Mr. Carson, but I’m happy to look after the Duke this morning, he knows me after all.”

Mr. Carson’s looked rather annoyed “very well Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas was able to eat half a slice of toast, despite having little appetite, before the bell for the Duke’s room rang. 

The sound of multiple chairs scrapping against the stone floor mingled with the tinkle of more bells. “Alfred, until James is well enough to come back to work, you are the first footman.” Mr. Carson boomed over the racket.

“Thank you, Mr. Carson.” Alfred replied with a small bow of the head. Thomas would usually have laughed as such behaviour, but not today. 

Thomas was the first to leave the servants hall and took the stairs two at a time. Despite the dull throb of a hangover induced headache thudding behind his eyes, he was happy. He was as happy as he had ever been, perhaps even happier than he had ever been before.

Thomas knocked on the Duke’s door, he was in the same room he had stayed in all those years ago, he entered the room confidently. “I’m afraid James has fallen ill, so I shall be attending to you this morning, your Grace.” Thomas said sardonically. 

“Thomas!” The Duke was shocked, appalled even.

“It’s Mr. Barrow now, I’m the under butler.” Thomas replied, shutting the door behind him.

“How the hell did you manage that?” the Duke replied, stepping out of the bed. “And don’t say it was through hard work.”

“How did you manage to get yourself invited back to Downton?” Thomas replied, indignantly, “And, why did you come?”

“I wanted to apologise to Lady Mary, and to introduce my wife to the family. It is partially their fault that I had to hunt for her. Of course it’s not my fault she couldn’t come, not that she would have appreciated Downton. She’s a young America heiress...so annoying...” He put on his dressing gown “Thomas, I’ve rather got used to not having a valet, so you can go.”

“I hear you didn’t protest that Jimmy was sent to help you yesterday.” Thomas said sardonically, not breaking eye contact. 

The Duke laughed awkwardly “you know me, Thomas...”

“But thank you, truly.” He said, with a smirk, after all it was the Dukes action that had made Jimmy turn to him. He turned to leave.

“Thomas wait, I regret it now, sending you away that time...” The Duke started to grovel, but Thomas had already opened the door and stepped out of the room. 

“Don’t be late for breakfast.” Thomas called; closing the door behind him he was reminded of that moment all those years ago when he had stood for a few seconds out in this same corridor, back then he thought he’d never be happy again, but right now in the fresh light of morning he beamed with delight. He was loved and happy and the man that broke his heart all that time ago, was not.

......

The Duke left for the first train, packing for himself. Only Lord Grantham was awake to see him off, Robert found the Duke’s behaviour most unusual and discussed the short lived visit at great length over breakfast, with Edith, Tom and Mary, who had joined them, not wanting to miss out on the gossip.

Thomas, although rather happily distracted, attempted to keep track of their discussion of the Duke whilst he prevailed over the breakfast. 

“Did he say why he had to leave so soon?” Lady Edith asked her father.

“No, he was rather vague, something about his wife or his business. I’m really not sure.” Robert replied. 

“Well, you can’t blame me this time papa.” Lady Mary said, taking a sip of her tea “Nor can you blame Edith, we avoided him rather.”

“No I wasn’t going to blame anyone, but he certainly won’t be staying again.” Robert replied “I can forgive such discourtesy once, but twice I can’t forgive.”

“Well good riddance.” Lady Mary said “He was no less self – important and pompous than he was last time.”

“I remember you rather liked him last time, Mary.” Edith said sarcastically.

“I did not.”

Thomas stopped paying attention to the two sisters bickering.

......

In a brief moment when nobody would notice he was gone after the upstairs breakfast, Thomas slipped up to the servants’ quarters. Jimmy was just waking up when he went into his room. 

“Jimmy,” Thomas smiled “it’s alright I told Carson you’re ill.”

“Thanks, I only lay back down for a minute.” He replied rubbing his temples “What about the Duke?”

“He left on the first train, and he won’t be back again.” 

Jimmy smiled, and carefully got out of bed, stepping over his crumpled livery on the floor. “How ill did you say I was?”

“I didn’t.” 

“So I’ve got my whole day off then?” Jimmy stepped towards Thomas, threading his arms around Thomas’s back. “Surely they won’t notice you’re gone for twenty minutes at least...” As he said this he moved his face close to Thomas’s then planted a gentle kiss on his lips. “Couldn’t you stay for a little while, help me get over this hangover.” Thomas smiled and kissed Jimmy back; the worse chapter of his life had conclusively ended and what promised to be the best was only just beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first ever fanfic! As I wrote at the start, comments would be great!


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